Ballad of Pugwash and Salty

Once upon a stormy day,
When the sea was black and the sky was grey,
Some no-good bandits set afloat,
Upon a stolen pirate's boat.


The waves collided fearlessly,
The crewmates huddled cheerlessly.
But t'was a day most rightly won,
This day their journey first begun.


Then one jumped up to fast proclaim,
A bold and brazen pirate name,
"They call me Pugwash, brave and true!
I'm Captain now, so who are you?!"


The next leapt up with eyes alight,
And shouted out with all her might,
"I'm Salty of the briny blue,
I'm First mate now, so who are you?!"


The third and last said not a word,
He didn't speak, though he had heard.
He was a dog on the open sea,
So Seadog he had come to be.


And on that dreary, fateful day,
This ragtag bunch first sailed away.
They forged a pact, they formed a team,
Those pirates living out a dream.


One morning still quite cold and dark,
Seadog rose to bay and bark.
For he had seen a distant shore,
With golden sand and palms galore.


Pugwash jumped to steer the ship as any Captain would,
Salty trimmed the sails and jib as any Firstmate should.
With the slightest breath of wind and wake they slid upon the beach,
Heads filled with thoughts of gold and treasure just beyond their reach…


But no dubloons were lying 'round,
No gold nor treasure to be found.
Instead there was, much to their glee,
A rum distilling factory!


To you or me, the thought of rum is naught but awful sin,
(Or maybe you would much prefer the bitter taste of gin).
But pirates would toss fitfully and offer quite of sum,
For a good ol' dusty bottle of some Caribbean rum.


They snuck around the Western border,
But found the gates all locked in order.
So they drew a map and stuck a pin,
In the one way out and one way in.


The main entryway was open wide,
But also quite well fortified,
Guarded by the tooth and fang,
Of a mobbish, roguish Penguin Gang.


And though Penguins have no teeth to wear,
These carried cutlasses to spare.
They dueled and showed off all their skills,
While smearing war paint on their bills.


Seadog made a move to snatch an unsuspecting fowl,
But Salty caught his collar and delivered him a scowl,
"Have some patience when there's such a prize that's to be won!"
"Hush!" said Pugwash urgently, "There's looting to be done!"


They lied there not-so-patiently as darkness slowly fell,
What waited past the Penguin horde they couldn't really tell.
Then suddenly the night was struck by clanging of a gong,
Penguins gathered everywhere and waddle-marched along.


The heavy doors all opened wide,
The pirates gaped at what's inside.
For Penguins looking not-so-glum,
Poured out with kegs and kegs of rum.  


They drank, they drank, they drank some more,
They toppled over on the floor.
They chugged, they chugged, they chugged and then
They vomited and chugged again.


The pirates looked on, horrified,
Not because they were denied,
But seeing Penguins be so dumb,
As to wasting all that precious rum.


"Now?" asked Seadog with his stare,
"Now," thought Salty with a glare,
"Now!" screamed Pugwash to her kin,
Now the pirates barreled in!


The Penguins, blank eyed, stumbled back,
No counter to this sneak attack.
Or maybe t'was defeat they tasted…
Let's not lie –They were all wasted.


It wasn't too much of a fuss,
The pirates were victorious.
Their boat soon creaked with added weight,
Enough to drink for every mate!


And so they left, those scallywags - Adventure called them loudly.
They hoisted their old pirate flag and toasted their ship proudly.
With laughter and a story to be shared with folks like me…
And crates of salted Penguin meat, to last a century!